ART RELATED AUTOBIOGRAPHY
BY GEORGE KOVACH

LIGHT HEARTED READING

It all started when I was five years old and received an art training kit for Christmas. It was the most popular art training kit at the time. In fact, I think it was the only art training kit at the time. We are talking about "The Jon Gnagy Learn to Draw" premier art training kit, guaranteed to take you to the top of the art world! (Who would have guessed!) The kit included a gigantic (for a five year old) sketch pad with about fifty sheets of paper, five or so charcoal pencil sticks, a "blending" stick, and a ten lesson plan drawing book. Now wait, not only did you get all that, but at seven o’clock on Saturday mornings, Jon Gnagy ("The Man Himself"!) had a show on TV where he picked one drawing each week and gave a "step-by-step" detail explanation on how to do that drawing. Each lesson covered one aspect of art training, such as "depth perception", and you drew right along with "The Man Himself"! The problem was, out of the ten lessons, I only got one right! The lesson on portraits (some lady in a black hat, I think) was really bad for me. Even to this day my "portraits" look like some demonic caricature drawings that bring out the evil in everyone (not very saleable, so we stay away from doing people). The animal lessons were the worst for me, especially "The Dalmatian Dog" lesson. Mine was so bad I think I was the FIRST creator of "Abstract Expressionism", in black and white, of course! The only one I got right was the one on depth perception, which was a large mailbox on a wood post by the side of a road that tapered off into the distance over some hills, with a tiny log cabin and smoke coming from its chimney way out in the distance, obviously a lot smaller than the mailbox, to show "depth". To this day, I use that same road and hill depth perception setup in my work! I got that one perfect! I was in like flint! I nailed it! Every time! As long as it was a road and a hill, I was THE GREATEST PRESCHOOL ARTIST IN THE WORLD!

By kindergarten, I had it all down pat, as long as it was a road going into the distance over some hills. One day around Easter, the teacher passed out something for us to color. It was an outline of a bunny with a basket of eggs. Now get this, he was standing on A ROAD THAT TAPERED OFF INTO THE DISTANCE OVER SOME HILLS! I got this one! I’m in like flint! I nailed it! I shaded everything perfectly, stayed in the lines, and even used an eraser to "blend" the crayons together. The teacher was so impressed she made me her DIRECT ART ASSISTANT! (Do we hear "child protégé?) I "strutted my stuff" around the class! It lasted about ten minutes until I had to give up that position. I was immediately put in charge of "grading" the bunny picture. I was given a box of about one thousand stars to be used for grading (Gold star for an "A", silver star for a "B", green star for a "C", red star for a "D", and a blue star for an "F"). A little girl took a blue crayon and literally scribbled all over her bunny, definitely not staying in the lines! Her six foot two, two hundred pound twin (Huh?) sister (I think she was the center on the kindergarten basketball team) copied (Huh?) and did the same, only in green. I gave them both "blue stars". The little girl, almost in tears, said she wished she could, once in her life (Are you kidding me? You’re in kindergarten!), show her mother a "gold star" and could I please give her one. Her sister wanted one also. I knew I could take on the little girl, but the kindergarten "Godzilla" was another story! So I gave them both "gold stars". After everyone else found out what I did, they all wanted more stars to compensate. I tried to balance the passing out of extra stars, but it got out of hand. By the time I was done, all one thousand stars were used up. Each student had at least fifty stars on their drawing and you couldn’t see anyone’s bunny! The teacher came back (yes, teachers left the room in those days not fearing any lawsuits) and promptly gave me the Donald Trump "You’re fired!" line. Oh well, at least for ten minutes, I was THE GREATEST KINDERGARTEN ART ASSISTANT IN THE WORLD!

In sixth grade, I got another chance. Sister Celeste said; "For today in art class, I want you all to draw your best picture to see who has the best talent." You know what I did! THE ROAD, THE HILLS, THE MAILBOX, THE SMOKE, and THE DEPTH PERCEPTION! I got this one! I’m in like flint! I nailed it! The nun asked how did I "learn how to draw" like this. I explained it was "The Jon Gnagy Learn to Draw" kit, and went into detail. She asked me if I could "teach the class" this lesson. I said I could and the next time an afternoon was set aside for art, I was JON GNAGY for a couple of hours! It went well until all the guys kept screwing up their pictures on purpose to "defame" me. (I have their names and I still remember!) I did not get another chance to teach, but that’s OK because the next lesson Sister Celeste wanted me to do was… THE DALMATIAN DOG LESSON! (I couldn’t sleep. I lived in fear.) Oh well, at least for a couple of hours, I was THE GREATEST SIXTH GRADE ART INSTRUCTOR IN THE WORLD!

Then, something happened in seventh grade that I can see now shaped my "artistic thinking" forever. Sister Luke, a very wonderful innovative teacher, decided to introduce the students to current (at the time) artistic developments in the art world. One of her lessons was centered on what she called "mod art". This form of "art" was actually "abstract art", probably in its beginning stages. Suddenly, it was no longer THE ROAD, THE HILLS, THE MAILBOX, THE SMOKE, and THE DEPTH PERCEPTION! It was…"THE DALMATION DOG"! It was now time for "abstract art". Everybody in class, and I do mean EVERYBODY, was better at this…"form of art"… than me! I was now regulated to a "has been" artist! From that day forward, I was now THE FORMER GREATEST SEVENTH GRADE ARTIST IN THE WORLD!

I went to a public high school, on recommendation from the nuns and priest at the time. (They had issues.) The school was great! The school was tops in three major subjects, FOOTBALL, BASKETBALL, and BASEBALL! As I was in my cap and gown next in line to go out onto the school’s stage to get my "extradition" papers (high school diploma) to go to college, I noticed a room I never seen before. I asked the guy behind me what goes on there and he said; "That’s the ART DEPARTMENT, only the "crazies" go there!" Oh well, off to college. Earlier, the guidance counselor asked; "Kovach, what do you want to be when you grow up?" (Funny man throwing in digs like that!) I thought out loud, maybe architecture? He said; "Why don’t you sign up for architecture classes in college?" (Is he brilliant or what?) At least in high school, I was THE GREATEST PROBLEM CHILD ARTIST ON HOLD IN THE WORLD!

On the worldly advice from "Funny Man", I signed up for architecture in college at good old YSU. It didn’t pan out. Seems as if "Mr. Brilliant" didn’t tell me you can only do your first two years at the local college, then you must go to OSU for four more years, then you must do a ten year residency at a construction company, and then finally you must build at least a twenty story high rise all by yourself using only toothpicks to get a degree! Architecture was out of the question, so I switched to art. Upon entering the YSU art department, I went into cardiac arrest when I found out the main form of art that they taught was…"DALMATIAN DOG PAINTINGS!" (In other words, "abstract art") The first days in painting class were rough. A few teachers almost took "flying lessons" out the windows! (I was just kidding!) However, I soon came to realize they were very educated and they were actually great teachers! (But not as GREAT as me in sixth grade!) You would think that with all the knowledge college professors accumulate about artists and their "idiosyncrasies", they would be a bit more tolerant to "individualism". Just goes to show you that the best educators, even with the highest degrees, are still blinded when someone acts "out of the norm", as most TRUE ARTISTS will probably do! (Its’ not "acting crazy", rather, it is "not being able to suppress ones’ own creativity in a public situation", I guess!) I decided to use the college experience to my advantage. I learned how my "opponents" thought, SO I COULD LEARN HOW NOT TO BE! I bit my tongue and received my "extradition" papers from college, obtaining a BFA with teaching certification. (Don’t worry, your kids are safe!) I suppose, during this time, I was THE GREATEST COLLIGIATE NONCONFORMIST ARTIST IN THE WORLD!

After college, I succumbed to work. I drew maps for a county map department. I put in my thirty years and was given my "extradition" papers. This was good because most of my superiors were about to get "flying lessons"! (I was just kidding!) Little do they know, they have given me and my art the opportunity of a lifetime, with FREEDOM! I will even immortalize them in my artwork, since they give me "fodder" for my "psychotic" themes. They are part of "The Psychotic World" we all live in. I will show the "evil nature" that they possess. I will show the "evil nature" that the world possesses. I will show the "evil nature" that we all possess. I will show this "evil nature" over and over again in artistic form so that WE MAY ALL LEARN HOW NOT TO BE! We must change the way we live in this world. We must all do our part in whatever way we can to change the way we exist, and "art" can be one of those means. We must get rid of all the "evil nature", (egotism, greed, lust, hatred) that exists in our everyday lives. With all this in mind, maybe now you will see why I am trying to execute THE GREATEST ARTWORK IN THE WORLD!